"I don't want anything Ali"

A very special day is coming up soon, whether you know it as White Day, Black Day, The Night of the Sevens, Dia dos Namorados or one that probably sounds most like the original; Valentinsdag. Valentines Day, celebrated on the 14th Feburary has many variations which cover the whole of the year. Whether you hate it or love it, you cannot physically hide from Valentines Day. From it's humble roots of lovers showing their emotions to each other to what it is now in our modern age, but a question arises... what exactly is Valentines like for modern generation?

Well for you as the audience to completely understand my message, first we need some background information on myself. My name is Ali, born in Iran and raised in London. As a child I never cared for Valentines, but to be honest why would I? But as the ages of adolescence slowly sweep across me, Valentines has become another annual date on my calendar. Just great. I'll be honest, I hate Valentines Day, it just seems like another day where you blow money on some flowers that will die a malnourished death 2 weeks later and some chocolates that the reciever won't even eat, amoung other things. So where does this hatred spawn from? Well I suppose it started when I entered secondary school at the age of 11, and I was 12 once my first Valentines came along, now in primary school I hardly ever achknowledged the existence of the day, of course I was in relationships but I was only a kid, and kids are oblivious to these things.

So anyway, back to my first Valentines, coming from the mentality of primary school I thought, "Just another day at school." How wrong I was. Now my girlfriend at the time was a nice girl, nothing to serious (I was only 12!) but nevertheless I would've liked to keep hold of that relationship but I failed that objective because of my ignorance of how special that day was. I had talked to this girl about Valentines about a week before, and she said to me in a devious voice, "I don't want anything Ali", I say devious because it was obviously a moronic mind game to see how much I liked her, (if I liked her, I would've got her something anyway, or at least that's how it's meant to go) she was probably giggling to herself like a 6 year old girl who just found out where babies come from, thinking she's so manipulative and clever but to her dismay she underestimated my ability to be naíve, gullible and dense. I just took her word for it and confidently I didn't get her anything. After all that's what she said, and as a 12 year old with no experience with relationships I didn't know how to see through that line.

Valentines came about, just an ordinary day for me, until she comes in. I'm expecting the usual welcome, a hug, a kiss. That kind of thing. At first she must've thought I was just playing it slow and I was gonna surprise her with a present later on, once she took about 5 minutes to survey my actions and see that in reality I had taken her, "I don't want anything Ali", line a bit too literally, so she comes up to me, and I'm sitting down, conversing with some friends and then suddenly she violently turns me around and lands me with a slap that still resonates within my body. In that single moment, through that physical connection of that earth-shattering slap I felt what ran through that girls heart. Anger, rage and betrayal, all for me and all consequently released in that slap. Then of course she broke it off with me, to this day I haven't talked to her ever again, but I've grown out of that and I won't ever be that naíve again.

And that was my first experience of Valentines Day. Pain, hurt and sorrow, but not for me those, things were all for that girl, what I didn't care to mention is that after she broke it off with me, my defense mechanism automatically switched on and very obnoxiously I stood up and loudly announced that I was a free man again, resulting in the girl to run off crying. Now we look back in retrospect, what have we learnt from that experience of mine? Don't ever not get your girlfriend something for Valentines Day? Or simply, just don't be in a relationship on Valentines Day? Whilst all being valid points, for this occasion, none are correct. What I've learnt was the immense pressure to buy presents for your girlfriend/boyfriend and these days expectations keep on rising.

Okay, so we fast forward two years to the present, now I'm 14 and a hell of a lot wiser than I was at 12 (thankfully). So now this is a truly modern Valentines Day, I've learnt from my terrible mistakes which I don't plan on ever doing again. I'm currently in a relationship, which has recently just celebrated it's 6 month arc. So what am I planning to do for this year? I'm settling with some extravagant roses, some designer chocolate and of course a card. Doesn't sound like much does it? But it's Valentines Day, and flourists, chocolateers and card sellers will rip you off as much as they possibly can, with the roses coming to £40 alone. May not sound like much, but to a 14 year old with no steady income, it's a lot. So why splash out so much, if you can't afford it? Well, I'll be honest, I'm not an idiot, I'm making calculated decisions. I have more than enough to afford for everything I'm going to buy, if I didn't. I simply wouldn't do it. Not very romantic, but Valentines isn't very romantic anymore, it's more fake erotic love these days.

Now to answer your question of, why spend so much? Well, when it comes to Valentines Day, it's a lot more than simply just a bunch of flowers, some chocolate, a card and a piece of jewellry if possible. It's foremost and most importantly, and I hate to say it, rewards. When it comes to Valentines, boys and girls don't lavish their partner with gifts without some kind of aim for a reward. What kind of reward, I'll leave to your imagination. Then there is showing her/him that you really care, even if you really don't. Although why you would spend any money on a girl or boy you don't like is beyond me, maybe that might be down to the reward aim. If you understand what I'm trying to say. Then of course there comes the upstaging of everyone elses' presents. This also comes under caring but it deserves it's own section.

Valentines Day, for the modern generation is essentially psychological warfare. Kids may not realise it when they do it but it is in abundance during that day. It's all about showing off, putting people down, raising the bar for the presents. Showing off isn't something really done by yourself, it's done by your partner, who hopefully will be so estatic because of all the presents you recently showered them with, they won't be able to physically stop themselves from going on about it, then once this spreads to other girls or boys, the people who didn't get the same quality of presents will secretly be angry at their partner. That is of course if their relationship is so weak that they fall out about stupid and minor material objects. Putting down is something that is done by everyone. Subtlely or aggressively, I myself don't do this. I don't have enough energy to waste on such petty things and finally, raising the bar, all my mates hate me for this one, as I can't help but spill out for my girlfriend.

So I hope you now come to realise why I resent this day so much. I want to take you back to what I said at the beginning of this aritcle, and I quote, "From it's humble roots of lovers showing their emotions to each other to what it is now, in our modern age, but a question arises... what exactly is Valentines like for modern generation?" I'll sum it up in a simple metaphor, Valentines Day is dark chocolate, appealing to the eye and luscious on the outside but dark and bitter within. A day from humble roots has been corrupted into what it is today. A day of anxiety, pressure and akwardness. As I sit writing this, I still haven't got my girlfriend any of her gifts, and I'm stressing out about it, I feel pressured into getting her something because of the publicisation of this day and the way the media portray and advertise it, and of course it's akward, for my generation at least, we're kids going onto adults. We don't know how to handle this forced day of "spreading love". The only good thing about Valentines Day is that, it sets apart the strong couples from the weak, as only the strong and tightly bonded couples will survive the severity of Valentines Day and so we come to end, I hope you go away from this article having learnt something new.

- Ali Jami
ali.m.jami@googlemail.com

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